The Lapse

It has been too long. The last several weeks I have not posted anything. I’m sorry.

I have been considering how I am approaching the writing of both the blog and the book, dealing with a few personal struggles, and being a bit lazy. I need to share a little about the lapse. There is more to it than just this, but what I will share today is the most impactful of the struggles that I’ve been working through.

My dad passed away in April this year. Even though he is gone, I still struggle with the relationship I had, or didn’t have, with him. I always wanted to be a good son. I wanted to bond with my dad. I wanted to show him that he raised a good son. I wanted to learn how to do “guy stuff” from him, and to some degree I did. The struggle comes from the absence.

Dad had his own struggles. A rough childhood. Struggles at home, and personal turmoil that seemed only to be calmed by constant work. That left little time to guide a son as he approached manhood. I wish it had been better.

As I continue to study and explore the concepts of “the fellow warrior” I don’t want to forget that longing to be close to dad. I see two primary issues.

The Role

The role of a dad is huge for a child. We learn how to behave, react, work, live, and even love from our fathers. I hope I adequately taught my children what they needed as they became adults. I know that I had wins and losses in that regard.

What example have I set in my time as a father?

Do I have time to fix areas I screwed up in that role?

Am I setting the example God wants me to set as a dad?

The Legacy

As a father we leave something of ourselves in whatever endeavors we pursue. We will leave an impression on our family and all the people we interact with. I want my legacy to be one that pleases my Heavenly Father.

What investments have I made in and for my children and family?

Will the impact of my role as a dad be positive for my children, family, and community?

Am I doing things that have lasting results?

These are just a few of the thoughts that have been rattling around in my head the last few weeks. I know my relationship with dad wasn’t the best. There’s not going to be a chance to fix it. I just want my relationship with my family to be what it should be. I want to be present for my wife and my grown children. Even with my wife and I being “empty nesters” I still want to be a good dad.