The Journey

I thought I could make it on my own. I had the tools, though I hadn't really practiced with them. But how hard could it be? I had been around them for most of my life. I had seen them used for years, so that had to count for something.

I spent nearly three decades navigating the battleground of life on my own. I knew about spiritual battles and the profound devastation they could leave in their wake, but I was immune. I mean, I grew up in church! Surely all that time surrounded by teaching and preaching and classes and seminars and programs and all the millions of church things would mean I could survive it all. I could make it on my own. Jesus would carry me through it. He did, over and over again. Yet it was always me making it on my own. I never really related His sacrifice to my struggles. His victory never really registered. There was no kinship shared. I had no others to really share my struggles with, and worst of all, I felt no real bond with my Savior. I had pledged my life to Him, but I had not really known the depth of that pledge...or the depth of His to me.

What it really boiled down to was a question: "What is the love of Christ?" Seems like a simple one. I'm afraid my perception missed the mark. I had this picture of a sweet, kind Savior. I understood words like grace and mercy as if they were cushions. Forgiveness sounded "nice." All of these I could live with...alone.

God has been shaking up some long-held views for me. It's been a journey that has taken many years. There is no great epiphany here, just Christ showing me over and over again the reality of that love, the real meaning of those words, and the cost of that forgiveness.

I see His love now as one of phenomenal strength. From perfection and glory, He came down and allowed Himself to be made weak, frail, human. Completely one of us. Really, think about it...that sucks for Him. He had EVERYTHING! The glory of heaven, the power of the eternal God, the infinite was His. He let it all go to live like we do, get tempted like we do, suffer like we do. He laughed, cried, rejoiced, and grieved like we do. That took guts. He already knew what human life was like. He's God...He knows all, but He chose to LIVE it.

At times, He was a wild man, shaking up teachers, amazing the people, horrifying religious leaders, and confusing politicians. He knew His purpose. He stuck with it. He lived a life untainted by the screw-ups we all allow ourselves to have. I have no idea how He did it. I think it's just the mystery of being perfectly God and completely man at the same time.

He spoke the truth even when He knew it might hurt Him or His reputation. He didn't care. He spoke it because it mattered more than all the temporary garbage we consider so incredibly important. So many of the "religious" couldn't handle it. I know the situation has been told many times in many ways, but I must share it as well.

He shook up the religious leaders to the point that they had to do something to shut Him up. Rules were bent, some completely broken. He was taken, tortured, whipped, beaten, mocked, spit on, and ridiculed. He took it all. He knew His purpose. He would most likely have been impossible to recognize after all this. He was led to one of the most painful, horrible tortures that mankind has ever invented. I spent some time studying crucifixion. I cannot even imagine. The Romans were pretty sick to have developed a torture that resulted in a death that would only come through an extended journey through the most excruciating pain. Every move was piercing, brutal agony. I don't think that with our lives of relative comfort we can even comprehend the anguish.

Eventually, He did die, performing the strongest, most powerful act of love that could ever be. He suffered and died to be a sacrifice. It was the price of justice that had to be paid for our screw-ups. But it still wasn't complete. See, we weren't meant for death. We were meant for perfection. Sin brought death to man. Christ didn't sin. As a result, death had no claim on Him. So a few days passed and He rose. He had to complete the perfect sacrifice with victory over the death we brought on ourselves.

Many have doubted that resurrection. We were given a form of proof. Just take a look at the journeys of the disciples. This group of regular guys saw their friend and leader tortured and killed by local and imperial authorities. This was a man they had grown to love. They struggled with Him, traveled with Him, and went through a few years serving and being served by Him. They turned tail and ran. Peter, the most vocal devotee, denied ever knowing Him. The rest went into hiding. Yet instead of fading into history, these men did a powerful 180 from fearful followers to bold proclaimers. Their boldness, strength, and tenacity served to reach the known world in less than a century. They knew that would not be accomplished in solitude. It took the sacrifice of another. It required a helper. It mandated a commitment to the mission Christ outlined for them and for us.